Goldman Sachs CEO David Solomon Reportedly Stepping Away from DJ Hobby

Goldman Sachs CEO stops spinning records and un-becomes DJ D-Sol to avoid scrutiny and backlash.

In 2015 — three years before becoming the CEO of one of the most prestigious and powerful financial firms in the world, second only to behemoth J.P. Morgan — longtime financier David Solomon learned to spin records. Fast forward to 2019, Mr. Solomon is now well into his peak tenure as CEO, while contemporaneously helming a DJ career. To the dismay and shock of Goldman, DJ D-Sol joined the lineup for Tomorrowland, one the largest international festivals in the world usually entertained in Belgium. Although the investment bankers, private bankers, managerial staff, and nepo-babies love paychecks, liquidity events, IPOs, and The Box in New York City, aligning with a brand that openly connotes raving, glitter, and electronic dance music is where they draw the gosh-darn line.

In August 2020, Solomon ate crow for his DJing hobby, apologizing to his board of directors for spinning at a public event during the pandemic’s quarantine. Yet, that same summer, Mr. Solomon returned to his hobby and performed for a charity benefit in the Hamptons, opening for The Chainsmokers. In 2021, DJ D-Sol reached peak preeminence, performing at Chicago’s Lollapalooza to the bewilderment yet again of Goldman Sachs’ partners.

Although his DJ escapades have proven him to be not just any investment banker but a cool investment banker, his CEO escapades have not quite been as successful. Although rival firm J.P. Morgan reported a net income of 13.2 billion for the third quarter, marking a 35% increase in profits from last year’s Q3, Goldman Sachs announced a 33% declivity in profits for the quarter. The drop in profits is allegedly due to the bank’s burgeoning consumer banking ventures, their attempt to break into the highly profitable, regular-degular banking line of business to develop a business model analogous to J.P. Morgan and its appendage Chase.

To contextualize the landscape further, David Solomon has also experienced backlash for office tyranny. Long story short, the guy’s decorum is, allegedly, heinous. He misses social cues, he’s rude to analysts, he abuses the company’s private aviation to abscond to DJ performances… there’s a long, laundry list of complaints.

Unfortunately for Mr. Solomon and DJ D-Sol, the bank’s sordid Q3 and his waning popularity became death knells for all DJing fun. Shortly after the reporting went public, David Solomon announced his decision to put down the records and pick back up the reins of Goldman Sachs.

Don’t be sad that it’s over, David, be happy that it happened. It was a good run, an eight-year-long idyl, a plurrrrr romantic reverie… R.I.P. to DJ D-Sol. You were a real one.

Saracha

Heralding from sunny South Florida, I am a proud Florida Woman. In my free time, I surf the swamp, wrangle gators, open fan mail, and tend to my pets. In the wild, I’m most often spotted at immersive art spaces, step tappin’ in a shadowed corner of the club, hater blockerz on, totally incognito as your resident EDM spice girl. Although I generally tout my spicy side, if there’s one thing I’d love to impress upon the world, it would be this: it’s not a waste to give love to those who do not deserve it – it’s a gift. The world would be a better place if we gave, in kindness and in mercy, to those who need it most with no expectation in return.

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